This is one of those posts that no one ever wants to have to write, but my time to write it arrived. I’m not yet sure how thorough or comprehensive I’m going to make it tonight, and will probably return to it multiple times in the future.

The end of summer 2021 arrived with a devastating and unexpected surprise for me with the passing of my mom. I know that my dad is often not a late night person, so when he was calling shortly after 10pm on a Saturday, something was up. When he said to go get my brother because he had some bad news, he was not kidding. This was on Saturday the 28th.

I’ve never been a big griever for lost family, though I admit I hope to physically grieve just a bit more with this one as I have always been decently close with her. It just hasn’t happened yet still. That night was more some stunned silence and initially just resuming what I was doing at the time.

I did what I felt she’d want me to do the next day and the time since that night, which is keep moving forward, keep doing what I normally do, but at the same time, never forget her. So the day after I largely did what I typically did. Things like go out for some coffee and read from a book or two. Show up for work and do the best job that I could.

Given that my schedule was light to start the week, I did only do a half day that Monday, and I already had a partial day planned for Tuesday for some oral surgery. After that though, it’s largely been just doing my job.

The sympathy and outpouring and checking up on me, by everyone who’s offered anything, has been appreciated and not unnoticed.

It feels strange knowing that it’s been two weeks and a real solid breaking down and grieving still hasn’t really hit yet. However, with what discussion I’ve had with close friends, we’ve all agreed we all grieve in our own way and in our own time.

I’ve been suspecting that when I reach a moment where I think of something that I’d love to share with my mom, or if a question comes to mind that only she’d have the answer to, is when it’ll start to hit me a little bit harder and erode away whatever mental boundary I have on the topic.

In all of the goings on, I actually forgot about obituaries in general, and one day while at a gym session, my trainer mentioned a client of his and a friend of mine mentioned finding a copy of her obituary. The friend was curious, and I am not upset by her seeking one out. I mention this because in a sense, it never felt final or set in stone that she was gone, until I saw a screenshot of the obituary itself.

But, there it was, and yes it’s real.

I miss you mom.

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